Don’t let the donor drive the bus.

Not long ago, a client came to me in a panic: “I think we’re sending too many emails!”

I asked why.
She said a donor had mentioned it.

So I asked—just to be sure—“Just one donor?”
Yes. Just one.

We pulled up her email platform. Open rates were solid. Click-throughs were healthy. Unsubscribe rate? Well below average.

“What about this says you’re sending too many emails?” I challenged. She insisted that despite the data, they must be doing something wrong for her donor to say that.

So, I gently reminded her: It’s about the numbers. One donor’s opinion is just that—one donor’s opinion. Your job is to steward all of your supporters, not pivot your entire strategy based on one squeaky wheel.

This situation is more common than we like to admit. And it doesn’t just show up in email marketing.

Let’s expand the lens:

• A board member wants to launch a pet project that doesn’t align with your mission or strategy. It's not gaining traction, but they’re insistent.
  Lesson: Respect their passion, but don’t confuse one person’s enthusiasm with strategic direction. You’re building for impact, not for individual ego.

• A donor gets angry about a public statement or position your organization takes—but dozens of other donors respond with support, praise, and donations.
  Lesson: Values matter. Mission is your compass. If you're walking your talk and most of your community is behind you, don’t dilute your convictions to pacify a single dissenting voice.

• A funder tells you, “We’d fund you if you did X instead,” where X is a program you don’t run and shouldn’t run.
  Lesson: Just because there’s money on the table doesn’t mean you should grab it. Mission creep is real, and chasing funding that doesn’t align with your purpose can erode trust, impact, and long-term sustainability.

So how do we really listen—without letting one voice throw us off course?

Here’s the key: Listen with context. Pay attention to patterns. If many donors say you’re sending too many emails, it’s worth revisiting your cadence. But if your data says engagement is high and complaints are rare? Stay the course.

What About When You Do Get it Wrong?

Let me tell you a story.

A month or two into my first fundraising job, I picked up the phone to call a lapsed donor. I had been looking in the database, and his account got my attention. He had given $5,000 annually for ten years straight, but we hadn’t heard from him in the last two years. Why? I wondered.

The moment he realized why I was calling, I could feel the heat radiating down the telephone line (why yes, I was doing this on a phone with a chord…I’m that old).

“You cashed the check. I didn’t even get a thank-you note. Ten years I gave that money. And nothing! Finally, I decided to stop. It’s been two years and you people didn’t even notice!”

I listened. I didn’t make excuses. I apologized—sincerely. I told him his anger was completely justified. Then I explained that I was new in the role and assured him that kind of neglect would never happen on my watch. But I also told him I understood if he didn’t want to hear from us again and offered to remove him from future communications.

He paused.
Then he said: “You’re taking responsibility for something that wasn’t your fault? Okay, Kelly, I’ll give you a chance.”

Fast-forward:

• A few weeks later, he came to an open house.

• A few months later, we had coffee.

• The next year, he resumed giving—and doubled his gift to $10,000.

• The year after that, he chaired the gala and brought in $50,000 in sponsorships.

• Thirteen years later, his name is still on the gala host committee.

I can’t begin to fathom what his impact has been on the organization in the last thirteen years, given his enthusiasm for the mission and his connections in the local business community. Probably closing in on the millions of dollars.

All of that because I took all of ten minutes to just listen, to accept responsibility (on behalf of my organization), to build a new relationship, and to turn his anger into lifelong passion.

I believe that listening and relationship building are absolutely critical, but that still doesn’t mean let the donor drive the bus.

What are the takeaways?

• Take feedback seriously—but in context. One voice (no matter how loud) doesn’t speak for the crowd.

• Lead with humility and transparency. When someone’s upset, listen fully. Don’t deflect. Don’t minimize.

• Use anger as a doorway to relationship-building. People don’t get mad about something they don’t care about. Remember that.

• Back it up with action. Don’t just apologize. Show that things are different now—and follow through.

In fundraising, it’s easy to feel like every opinion is a potential crisis. But sustainable strategy comes from the wholepicture—your data, your mission, your community, and your values. Don’t swerve the car every time someone in the back seat shouts directions.

One donor’s opinion is important—but it’s not everything.

Stay the course. Steer with intention. And trust the road you’ve mapped out.